Jessica Buxton

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Big Girls Don’t Whine (Chapter 3, 4 & 5) July 1, 2010

Filed under: Book Insights — jbuxton @ 4:22 pm

As I’ve continued to read this book by Jan Silvious I’ve found many insights that have challenged me to be a big girl. 

Chapter 3 “How a Big Girl Speaks, How a Big Girl Thinks –  Putting away Little-Girl Ways” 

“Your words are a dead giveaway, especially if you are tired, hungry, or just plain ticked.  Little-Girl speech can be defined as saying what you want to say, when you want to say it, to whomever you want to say it.  It takes no one else into consideration.  It is speech that is useful to achieve certain kinds of short-term goals, but in the long-term, it is always costly.”  I couldn’t help but think to myself after reading that statement how often does the little girl in me come out and say what she wants and doesn’t care how it comes across.  I couldn’t help but think back to all the times I just said what was on my mind because I wanted to be heard or because I wanted my way (in my mind I see this little girl in a pink dress stomping her feet and saying ‘I want…’ and a name tag stuck to her with Jessi on it).   Proverbs 12:18 says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”  I think more often than not my words have pierced and not brought healing.  I know that I am quick to speak my mind but I have been learning and with God’s help I think I haven’t been spouting out so many piercing words.  Jan then moves on to talk about thinking she said, “Thinking is the engine that pulls along every emotion you have.”  How I think about something or someone for that matter drives my emotions towards them so if I think someone has lied to me I’m going to have a hard time trusting them in the future.  But I need to be aware of my thoughts and how they drive my emotions and as a woman my emotions seem to be what can make or break my day or week.  Jan also said, “The Big Girl knows that her capacity to think is her greatest asset.  Mature thinking produces mature living, and of course childish thinking produces childish living.”  That is pretty much self explanatory but I still need to analyze the way that I’m thinking whether it be mature or childish.  The last thing I will touch on that Jan talked about in Chapter 3 was attitude, she said, “Attitude is everything, and Big Girls know that whatever is going on, the way they respond is crucial.”  My attitude toward my husband is going to have an impact on him and his day.  My attitude toward my son is going to have a huge impact on him and his life and his day since I am supposed to be an example to him of God’s love and how a wife and mother should be.  That seems like a lot of responsibility but I know that God wouldn’t give me these responsibility if he didn’t think I could handle it.

Chapter 4 was for single women so I just kind of skimmed it since I am no longer single.  Chapter 5 ‘Wisdom for Big-Girl wives -Becoming a Great Wife Who Has a Life’

“…my husband is not responsible for my happiness.”  This is so true and sometimes its hard not to think that my husband should be responsible for my happiness but it is not in his job description.  I’ve fallen into this expecting Marc to do everything in his power to make sure that I was happy but that is not fair to Marc.  So I’ve been working on not expecting him to do everything he can to make me happy.  He has way better things to do with his time and his energy.  “A wife is given to the man to complete him, not to compete with him.”  My role is not to compete with my husband but to complete him and how true this is.  He is strong in the areas where I am weak and I am strong in the areas he is weak so we complete each other.  Jan talks about a Proverbs 31 wife and says, “She is a safe Big Girl who knows her abilities, fulfills her role, and is a blessing to her family.  We don’t know if her husband was everything she would have liked him to be, but we do know that she knew her role, and she performed it well.”  I want to be the kind of wife who performs my role to the best of my ability and not sit and wait around for someone else to do it for me.  Jan also said “She (a wife) knows that to do her best in loving her husband and her children is best for her.  She isn’t diminished by serving them; she is made stronger.”  In our world today it seems like being a good wife and mother is not being a real woman but I would have to disagree.  If you have seen anything on TV you know what I’m talking about.  Our world today is so focused on feminism and to say that a womans role is to take care of her family is social incorrect.  How sad.  I believe that my role as a wife and mother is to take care of my husband’s needs and my children’s needs.  Jan also talked about communication her statement was, “Communication is hard work.”  Ain’t that the truth.  It is hard to communicate with someone much less your spouse and help them understand what you are saying.  Marc and I have had a few run ins with communicating a point and the other did not understand or took it in a way that was not intended.  But I believe that we need to work at it.  Communication is not going to be easy but it is crucial in a marriage to make sure that your spouse understands what you are saying.  “It is the Big Girl wife who determines how she will handle the circumstance.”  I determine how I will react/ respond to every circumstance that comes my way.  I Need to grow into a Big Girl. 

Lastly Jan said in Chapter 3 “It is evident that the Big Girl will only emerge in any of us as we give our Little Girl ways to God to eliminate.  We see them, we don’t like them, we choose against them, but He is the One who takes them out of us and replaces them with grace and beauty of the Big Girl.  That is His work, and it is lovely.”  I just wanted to end with this thought that without God by my side I would not be on the road to becoming a Big Girl and God is the only one who can truly change my heart.



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